10 Respectful (and Mindful) Ways to Say “No” or “Not Now”

Learning to say “no” or “no, not now” is a skill that all TBC Graduates should hone to support their personal well-being, self-respect and sanity.

“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.” –Warren Buffett

In the current education environment, you are fielding more requests than you could ever possibly fulfill in a day, month or year. Given what you’re up against, you should be saying “no” much more than you’re saying “yes,” although the reverse is typically true.

Greg McKeown, New York Times bestselling author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, states that “Saying no is its own leadership capability. It is not just a peripheral skill. As with any ability, we start with limited experience.”

Learning to say “no” or “no, not now” is a skill that all TBC Graduates should hone to support their personal well-being, self-respect and sanity. However, to articulate “no” well – to do it tactfully and calmly – calls for a variety of responses, preferably a few that incorporate the use of TBC’s REQUEST FORM. Try adding these responses to your playlist today:

1. I NEED TO THINK IT THROUGH BEFORE I RESPOND
   “That sounds like an interesting idea AND I need time to think it through with you. Could you please write it down for me on this REQUEST FORM, so I don’t forget it, and then make an appointment with me to talk more about it in depth?”
2. LET ME CONNECT YOU TO WHO CAN HELP BETTER
   “I can hear from your voice that you’re really committed to X. The person in our organization who is the expert at making X happen is (NAME). I’ll make an introduction between the two of you. Please write down what you need on this REQUEST FORM so I have all the details correct when I talk to (NAME), and I’ll make sure (he/she) calls you back in (#)hours/days.”
3. NOT RIGHT NOW, BUT SOON
   “Wow! I hear you. At this moment I am involved in X for about the next (#) hours, AND I want to give you my full attention. Please write down what you need on this REQUEST FORM so I have all the details to consider, and I promise to get back to you about this in (#) hours.”
4. THE PRINCIPAL IS BUSY; LET ME HELP YOU FIND A BETTER TIME
   “(PRINCIPAL NAME) is observing classrooms for the next (#) hours to make sure what’s happening for students is what’s supposed to be happening. Let’s make an appointment for the two of you to talk.”
5. LET’S GET THIS REQUEST TO MY SECRETARY SO I CAN REVIEW TOMORROW
   “Sounds great, AND I have an appointment scheduled to start in 2 minutes. Please write down what you need on this REQUEST FORM and hand it off to my secretary. S/He’ll make sure I see and consider it in our Daily Meeting tomorrow.”
6. I’LL SEND SOMEONE IN MY PLACE
   “I’ve been informed about the meeting you called on (date). Just know, I’ve scheduled myself to observe classrooms on that day from (time) to (time). Obviously, I can’t be in two places at once, and being in classrooms is the most important work on my schedule right now. So, I am sending (NAME) to the meeting in my place, and he/she will debrief me the following day.”
7. THIS IS A GREAT IDEA FOR ANOTHER TIME
   “I like where you’re going with this idea AND, at this moment in time, the highest priority around here is X because of (explanation). If you want, we could set up a meeting in (# )weeks/months to talk about this again, and brainstorm how YOU could bring your idea to fruition.”
8. LET ME HELP YOU SCHEDULE THIS MEETING
   “I understand you need to meet with (PRINCIPAL NAME) about X. Here’s how I’m going to get you the time you need. (PRINCIPAL NAME) wants to tour classrooms with you on (DAY) for (# minutes), and then he/she has instructed me to schedule you two to meet for 15 minutes in his/her office afterwards. Which day would you prefer to do that?”
9. MY QUEUE IS CURRENTLY FULL, IS THIS REALLY AN IMMEDIATE NEED?
   “I understand you’re on a deadline, but so were (NAME), (NAME) and (NAME) when they asked me/my staff to do X, Y and Z, and I promised them I/we would do it. That’s what’s in my immediate queue right now. We will finish X, Y and Z by (DATE), and then we can begin to address your request. Or should you tell (NAME), (NAME) and (NAME) that you’re requiring me to do W right now, and therefore you’ve asked me to put their projects on hold? I’ll respect your decision either way.”
10. PLEASE PRIORITIZE YOUR REQUESTS
    “Remember, you already have me/my staff working on X, Y, Z, A and B, which is currently taking us (#hours/days) this week. I really don’t have space to add one more thing to the list. Which one – X,Y,Z, A or B – do you want me to let go of for now so I can address this new item?”